Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.
-Suzy Kassem
What is the one thing holding you back from stepping out and onward in life?
This is one of my favorite questions, which I wish I was brave enough to ask people. Or that they would be bold enough to answer.
For me, one of the biggest obstacles, in the last few years, has been fear.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear or not feeling well. So many fears. Keeping me frozen in place, overthinking every next move; and in the end, seeing the sun go down on a season and realizing I got nowhere.
It’s just so easy to look at this overwhelminly wide world and feel utterly lost!
There yare so many things at stake, and, more often than not, I feel like nothing but a tiny speck in an ocean of uncertainty.
And yet, is fear truly a valid excuse? Have we not been commanded to be strong and courageous? (Joshua 1:9)
The fear of fear
One of the biggest worries I had was related to my health. How can I start anything significant, if exhaustion might just catch up and hinder me from finishing what I’ve started? What if halfway through, once fully committed, I have to pull back?
Traveling especially seemed daunting. I hate being away from home while not feeling well (and yes, I know this from experience).
But then, I got fed up with this fear. This is one thing about me; for better or for worse, once I get annoyed with a situation, I choose to act. And, yes, I got annoyed at fear.
I suppose that, even more than the object of those fears, I was terrified of letting this fear rule me; of coming to the end of the time I have been given here and realize that I let fears, worries or anxieties keep me from getting anywhere.
I wanted to travel. To explore. To learn, and to write. I wanted to connect with people, see through their eyes, and become whatever I am called to be, for God’s glory.
I was still totally terrified. Courage felt foolish; shouldn’t I simply do the safe thing? Shouldn’t I stay next to home, have a calculated schedule, and stay in this life that I both felt comfortable with… and somewhat hated? There is so much more out there, and I didn't want to simply sit there and watch, despising how stagnant I was.
What God says
Even reading the Bible, there is so much about fear, and how we shouldn’t let it rule us, because God’s calling is greater.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7
Pursuing God's calling does involve being brave; but we are not called to be alone in it!
Stepping out despite of fear
Now, call me foolish, but I decided to take this step. I am currently traveling, as my younger self always dreamed of.
Managing my exhaustion is challenging, but it’s possible. Not easy, but possible. (This is one significant thing I’ve learned lately; something being hard doesn’t mean it’s bad. As long as it’s doable).
After visiting some friends along the way in their new country home, I’ve headed, along with a couple friends, to a Bible School reunion. It has been just over 3 years since I have seen a lot of those people, and reconnecting with them after all this time has been both strange and amazing.
And after this? I will be headed to the other side of the country, to a place I’ve never been before, to work on a strawberry farm, of all things. Sounds lovely, except for the fact that I struggle with warm weather, and will have to be careful to stay hydrated and get enough rest; but it’s doable.
I don't know where this is all going to lead. I presently share about it, but I don't yet have any great story to tell or impressive victory to display. This is simply the first step. An unfinished painting; an unpolished speech. And yet, I wanted to share it with you all.
Calculated recklessness
Is this journey logical, considering my situation? Not quite. Is it the right thing anyway? I believe so.
You see, comfort is overrated (and yes, some of you have heard me say this way too many times already!). Especially in our culture, it has become such an idol, and, though we always hear about stepping out of our comfort zone, actually doing so is looked down on. But how can we learn, if we are confined to this tiny space with lines we dare not cross?
Heroes, both of the faith and in our history books, are people who have dared go beyond what culture expected of them. They are people who took risks, despite the fear and possibility of failure.
I don’t expect to ever be called a hero; but I do want to live boldly and unashamed, and be able to say that fear did not hold me back, despite feeling it most days of my life.
Now (DISCLAIMER!), let us not confuse courage with foolishness. I believe it is important to know one’s limit, and what is well beyond them. I would not be doing this if I thought it was completely stupid, nor would I throw myself in a situation I believe is pointlessly reckless. Wisdom is as important as courage; and a lot of it comes with always bringing everything back to God (Philippians 4: 6-7).
And so, this is simply an encouragement. If you feel called to do something beyond this cozy comfort zone; if you have prayed about it and believe it is right; do it.
Stop overthinking it. Stop listening to the voice of fear.
JUST DO IT. (That’s one thing Nike got right, haha!).
Things will come into place as you go. It might not be easy, but that's fine; as long as it's possible, the journey will lead you to unexpected, and beautiful, places.
Until next time,
Vannah
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